Week #5

I had a cold this week which made everything difficult. The Christmas holiday is going to be difficult. All I can possibly hope for is to maintain what I have done thus far. I officially reached the 10 pound mark this week.

Weight: -10 pounds

Week #4

Since I have been successful (relatively) with my diet and exercise for 1 month, I have decided that daily posts aren't really helping. The experts say food diaries are very important. I can't say that I agree, at least for me. Maybe if one is delusional and eats 5,000 calories without realizing what they are doing this is more helpful. I, on the other hand, realize the caloric content of every piece of food that crosses my lips. Problem is, sometimes I am helpless to resist no matter what the cost. Anyway, I will be recording a weekly weight mainly as a record to guard against any perception of shenanigans when I destroy Bart in round one of FB III. I have officially lost 9 pounds as of yesterday. I don't think I will tell him until I have lost 12-15. Don't want to discourage the fat bastard.

Exercise:
Mon: Elliptical x50 min
Tues: Weights, elliptical x15 min
Wed: Elliptical, treadmill, bike 55 min
Thurs: Weight circuit, spin bike 20 min
Fri: Swim 22 laps (almost drowned again)

Weight: -9 pounds

Day #14

Gave up for Thanksgiving a bit. Didn't go too overboard, but didn't record my food.

Food:
Pop tart (200)
Sandwich (300)
Soup (300)
Chicken (350)
Beans (50)
Stuffing (300)
Crispy treat (100)
Total calories: 1600

Exercise:
Jump rope: 10 min
Elliptical trainer: 35 min

Day #10

Holidays are hard. Hope I don't gain back what I lost.

Food:
Pop Tart (200)
Turkey sandwich (350)
Baha Chicken sandwich (600)
Peanut butter/honey (250)
Cookie (100)
Total calories - 1500

Exercise:
Upper body weights
Elliptical trainer 20 min

Day #9

Lots of cardio today.

Food:
Pop Tart (200)
Turkey sandwich (300)
Chips (100)
Nachos (600)
Cookie (100)
Total calories - 1300

Exercise:
Cardio circuit - 55 min

Weight: -3

Day #8

Monday's suck. Went lap swimming. It was, uh, interesting. The good news is fat floats so I didn't drown.

Food
Pop tart (200) - I need something more nutritious for breakfast
Turkey sandwich (350)
Sloppy joe (400)
Fries (400)
Total calories - 1350

Exercise
Swim 40 minutes

Day #7

Another day at home with lots of food around. Sunday so no exercise and don't care about food today. Did ok.

Day #6

Weekends are always hard. House is full of cookies for a church party. Soccer party at a pizza parlor. Pretty tough.

Food:
Cereal (200)
Salad (200)
Pizza (400)
Hibachi steak (700)
Cookies (100)
Total calories: 1600

Exercise:
Treadmill, jog 30 min

Weight: -2

Day #4

No comments today.

Food:
Pop tart (200)
Salad (300)
Chicken caserole (600)
Corn (100)
Cookie (100)
Total calories: 1300

Exercise:
Elliptical trainer 40 min

Weight: -2

Day #3

Diuresis finally kicked in a bit. Maybe I need Dr. Atkins. PT was lame.

Food:
Pop Tart (200)
Santa Fe Chicken sandwich (600)
Turkey sandwich (400)
Chili (400)
Fruit (50)
Total calories: 1650

Exercise:
Push-ups; elliptical trainer 20 min

Weight: -1

Day #2

Gosh-dang-it! I haven't lost any weight yet. What the freak is taking so long? I think my scale is broken. If I could move my arms, I would throw the stupid thing out the window.

Food:
Poptart (200)
Burrito (300)
Spaghetti (300)
Green beans (50)
Fruit (100)
Bread (100)
Total calories: 1050

Exercise:
Upper body weights x45 min
Walk/jog 20 min

Weight: 0

Day #1

Today I had my official overweight counseling. To summarize, my employer's position is that I am a fat bastard and that I should try to not be so fat. Ironically, this is about the only point that my employer and I have ever really agreed on. I guess we can use my fatness as a foundation on which to build.

Food:

1 chocholate pop tart (200)

Salad with turkey and fat-free ranch (300)

Vegetable beef soup (200)
Roast beef sandwich (400)
Cheese (100)
Total calories - 1200

Exercise: Treadmill 20 minutes

Weight: 0

Why is my weight 0? Because I am a chick and don't want anybody to know exactly how much I weigh. If you don't like it, piss off. My weight loss will be recorded with 0 as reference point.

Fat Bastard III introduction

In 2004, the first Fat Bastard competition reached a climax when Vir0n totally annihilated Woob in a 2 mile foot-race. The price Woob paid for losing that race was so lame it is lost to history. The next year, fatter than ever, the bastards decided to have another competition. Unfortunately for Vir0n, he couldn't give up the chocolate chip cookies and was compelled by the rules to wear gay-ass pink scrubs with little green froggies to work. To this day Vir0n is bitter because the penalties for the two competitions were not equitable. Vir0n clearly got screwed.

In 2007, the bastards are back and bigger than ever for the Fat Bastard Classic III. Who will win? It is a nearly a forgone conclusion that Vir0n will once again taste victory. One can almost feel Woob's man-boobs quivering with the inevitable shame of defeat.